Packing up on yet another gloriously
sunny morning, we hit the road and headed towards the Mongolian capital,
Ulaanbaatar. If Mongolia’s yin is its pristine countryside, then Ulaanbaatar
conforms nicely to its yang. The enormous city of pulsating commerce, wild
traffic and bohemian counter-culture elicits as much shock as it does
excitement. Holding the finish line for previous rallies, we felt like this was
the unofficial finish of this year’s rally.
As we passed through the yurt-occupied suburbs of the city, a thick layer of smog descended upon us just as tall industrial stacks rose out from the distance. By 2011 the air pollution had reached such epic levels that the World Health Organisation (WHO) rated Ulaanbaatar as the world’s second most polluted city, after Ahvaz in western Iran. Around 92% of the smoke in UB comes from stoves in the yurt district that furiously burn coal during the winter periods in order for families to stay warm.
As we passed through the yurt-occupied suburbs of the city, a thick layer of smog descended upon us just as tall industrial stacks rose out from the distance. By 2011 the air pollution had reached such epic levels that the World Health Organisation (WHO) rated Ulaanbaatar as the world’s second most polluted city, after Ahvaz in western Iran. Around 92% of the smoke in UB comes from stoves in the yurt district that furiously burn coal during the winter periods in order for families to stay warm.
 |
| On the way to Ulaanbaatar |
Once we had navigated to the city
centre we found the Golden Gobi Guesthouse and enjoyed our first shower in 10
days. 10 of us who hadn’t showered or changed clothes in 10 days, that shower
had never seen so much action in its life. Feeling refreshed we wandered in
towards the bustling life. The contrast soon became apparent: Armani-suited
businessmen rub shoulders with saddle-sore mohawked punks fresh off the
steppes. One minute you’re dodging the path of a Hummer H2 and the next you’re
mystified by the groaning of a Buddhist monk.
We ate lunch looking out over the city
on the top floor of a large department store before continuing with some
souvenir shopping. Keen to prop up Ulaanbaatar’s souvenir trade, we set about
buying novelty chess sets, Chinggis Khan paintings, authentic hip flasks and a
traditional Mongolian throat warbling dance album. Rich, who is a real memento
badger, secretly bought a large shoebox sized souvenir and tried to surreptitiously
smuggle it into the bath tub before Alf or Caleb could see.
Just as they rounded the corner to the car, Rich finished tying up the last ratchet and re-attached his bag as if there was nothing to see. He had gotten away with it; or so he thought. From the first words uttered by the pair as they strolled towards the car, Rich knew he had been snitched out by Team Honeymoon who had seen him at the till. For the sheer audacity to deceive the rest of the team, a big fat strike was issued. Unsurprisingly, Rich was now miles out in the lead with 15 strikes chalked up against his name.
Just as they rounded the corner to the car, Rich finished tying up the last ratchet and re-attached his bag as if there was nothing to see. He had gotten away with it; or so he thought. From the first words uttered by the pair as they strolled towards the car, Rich knew he had been snitched out by Team Honeymoon who had seen him at the till. For the sheer audacity to deceive the rest of the team, a big fat strike was issued. Unsurprisingly, Rich was now miles out in the lead with 15 strikes chalked up against his name.
 |
| Ulaanbaatar skyline |
By the evening we were guided to the
nearby Revolutions bar – the UK’s best export. After a few Chinggis Khan,
Mongolian Legend and Tiger beers we moved on to Revolutions 2 across the city.
Once our tongues had been loosened somewhat, conversation turned to the return
journey. All sorts of suggestions began to fly across the room; Croatia? the
Artic Circle? visiting Hobitton in New Zealand? An ink-less, half intact
typewriter was even brought to the table and fed with a napkin to try and write
all of the ideas down.
In high spirits we returned to the
guesthouse and came across an abhorrent sight none of us were prepared for.
Agilles, Two and a Half Men’s Vauxhall Agila, had been savagely attacked. A
rock had been launched through their passenger side window and the glass had
shattered everywhere. As we stared through the gaping hole in disbelief,
panicky thoughts turned to our own vulnerable princess. Huddled and cowering in
the corner, Marigold was shaken but fortunately unharmed. She was, however, not
without her emotional and physical scars.
Across one of the charity stickers on the bonnet the assailants had written the chilling message “Thunder ‘rock’ Group Mongolia, to be continued 22:22”. Similar taunts had been left on the Agila and the Kenari in what soon became apparent was a vicious gangland attack. Car Wars Episode II: Attack of the Stones had wounded us but like Bathtub Bilbo’s favourite song, Tubthumping by Chumba Wumba, we get knocked down but we get up again, it ain’t never gonna keep us down. Don’t ever come by our neck of the woods or we’ll be scraping that brick off what’s left of your teeth.
Across one of the charity stickers on the bonnet the assailants had written the chilling message “Thunder ‘rock’ Group Mongolia, to be continued 22:22”. Similar taunts had been left on the Agila and the Kenari in what soon became apparent was a vicious gangland attack. Car Wars Episode II: Attack of the Stones had wounded us but like Bathtub Bilbo’s favourite song, Tubthumping by Chumba Wumba, we get knocked down but we get up again, it ain’t never gonna keep us down. Don’t ever come by our neck of the woods or we’ll be scraping that brick off what’s left of your teeth.
Posted by: Rich